More Talk About Poop

You'll all be thrilled to know that after three days of standing in a bathtub full of cat shit, I finally solved the problem.

Here is a list of things that did NOT fix the clog:

1 bottle of Drano Max Gel

2 bottles of Liquid-Plumr Foaming Pipe Snake

2 cans of Liquid-Plumr Power Jet
Several applications of Drain Out Crystal Clog Remover

Regular household plumbing snake (toilet auger)

Not so regular, specially purchased 25 foot plumbing snake

And before you start in on the "You shouldn't flush all those chemicals down the drain in such a short time, don't you know you have single-handedly ruined the environment and when we all die, we know just who to blame!!!" lecture, I will stop you right now and say that I've already heard it all from Man-friend, who stood behind me while I leaned into that bathtub full of shit and yelled at me-

"You need to learn to respect chemicals! They could kill you and Monkey-Butt and the entire world!!! What are you doing? Stop pouring chemicals down the drain, LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS PROBLEM, HOW CAN I SOLVE THE PROBLEM WHEN YOU KEEP POURING CHEMICALS DOWN THE DRAIN????!!!!"

And I was all "Dude, have you met my father? I would rather die a million chemically induced deaths than have him come fix this clog for me. There's no time to think, just hand me the f&*%ing Drano!"

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna add one more thing to the list of things that didn't fix the clog:

1 boyfriend







But...here is what did fix the clog:
2 bottles of Liquid Lightning Drain Opener

+

closing off all the drains and flushing two sinkfuls of water simultaneously towards the clog, causing it to burst out. (sorry no graphic for that one)

+ 1 bottle of cheap vodka


After all is said and done, I can say without a doubt that 1) Plumbers are underpaid and 2) I am now qualified to be a plumber.

And lest you think that I would never allow my son near another litter box, he was given that chore back immediately after I finished that bottle of vodka, had a quick shower, and my nerves were settled, except now he has to scoop it into a bag and carry it out to the trash can. Because no matter what, mommy is still lazy and would rather spend weeks standing in a bathtub of cat shit than clean the box regularly.

There Is Poop In My Bathtub

I'm going to start out by saying that I buy the all natural, pine, biodegradable, flushable kitty litter for many reasons but number one being that I'm lazy and I like that if I don't clean it for three days, the litter box still smells pine fresh (unlike the other stuff), and I can just flush it down the toilet rather than having to walk all the way out to the trash can with a bag of poo (unlike the other stuff).

That being said, not even this kitty litter is flushable when you pour 5 lbs. of it down the toilet at once, as my son proved unequivocally last night.

I'm going to finish by saying that apparently, all drains lead to the bathtub.

National Hug Someone Day

The staff* at "There's Never A Line For The Men's Room" is officially declaring today, September 11, National Hug Someone You Love Day.

Go ahead, hug someone. And if you can't find someone that you love to hug, then hug anyone. And if you can't find anyone at all to hug, well here's a nice big one for you-



*For the sake of full disclosure, I will admit that by staff I mean myself and my two very adorable and very unhelpful cats secretaries.

"Special"

This is an everyday, if not multiple times a day occurrence. And even though I want to yell at her for scratching up the screen door, it's very hard when my mind's all "Oh no, what if she does this when I'm not home and gets stuck there for hours?"

Oh my poor, special kitty. She's terrible and cranky and has scratched no less than a dozen children since she's lived with us but she's so damn cute that I can't help but love her.

Seriously, fucking adorable, right?