Sad But True

Today I decided it would be a good idea to spin around as fast as I could in my computer chair. This lasted for about 30 seconds until I threw up.

I have found at least 4 gray hairs.

I look down on all music made after 1998.

I have a wrinkle.

My favorite thing to do on a Friday night involves reading a good book and cuddling with a seven year old.

Air fresheners excite me.

All the University students in town who used to be the really "cool-sexy-mature-guys" have suddenly become "inappropriately-too-young-to-check-out".

Sex often has to wait until the morning because we can't stay awake late enough on weeknights.

I see cute babies and spontaneously ovulate.

I recently drove over 100 miles and spent over $100.00 to find the perfect dinnerware set.

Teenagers and their excessive displays of public affection annoy me.

Children don't have respect for adults like they did when I was a kid.

My neck and back ache at the end of the day.

A clean toilet is important to me.

Sometimes I only have time to pluck one eyebrow.

I worry about paying bills.

I subscribe to "O" Magazine.

and

If I could go back to 5th grade instead of work, I would totally be okay with the book reports...



I'm starting to suspect I might officially be a grown-up.

The Divine Baby Jesus and Scratchy Butt

Found these Divino Nino Jesus prayer candles at PriceRite yesterday and just had to get them. There were only three left so I grabbed them all. My apologies to anyone who will not get a racially and quite possibly sexually inaccurate Baby Jesus candle because of my greed. Guess you'll just have to pray to Saint Jude instead. There are plenty Saint Jude candles left.

Since I work on a tight budget when grocery shopping I knew I had to sacrifice somewhere else. Now I'm not saying I'm a martyr or anything but instead of the quilted, two-ply toilet paper I'm used to, I bought the store brand single-ply pack to make up the monetary difference. Because nothing says religious devotion like a scratchy ass.

One of my favorite things about this candle is the little stick figure person carrying a cross at the bottom to remind us what happens when he gets older.



My other favorite thing is the prayer on the side which reads:

Divine Baby Jesus, we honor your sacred image. Today and forever, we elect you as lord and owner of this house. Humbly we implore your protection against any harm or evil. Bless and protect all those that reside here and guide them to divine grace, keeping them from harm and sin. (Bless our home.) Amen.

...as if to say "Yes it'd be nice if you say this whole prayer when you light this candle but in case you're feeling lazy, you can just sum it up into a nice little 'Bless our home' and call it a day.

I'd Like To Dedicate This Song To You.

My sister turned me onto this series, Flight of the Conchords a few months ago and even though this is way back from the pilot episode, it's still one of my favorites.

I might venture to say this is the best song I've ever heard, but with all the crap that they're putting on the radio now, that really isn't that hard to believe is it?

So now, I'd like to dedicate this song to you...the most beautiful girl in the room.

A Letter To My Sister

Dear Michelle,

When you go around telling people how horrible I was to you growing up, I want you to look back at this picture and remember that I HELD YOUR DRESS UP SO YOUR BOOBIES WOULDN'T SHOW!!!

Love,
Your Sister