What Happens After You Spend 2 Weeks Trying To Eat Strictly According To The USDA Food Pyramid

Do you want anything from the store?

Yeah, candy.

Candy? What happened to all the candy I brought you two nights ago?

Huh? Oh you mean the two bags of gummy bears, the extra large Twix bar, the king sized Reeses Fast Break bar, and two bags of sour gummy bears?

Yeah, those.

I ate them.

Maybe If I Could Just Touch His Ass One Time

Recent conversation with a friend about one very hot photographer that we both know. Two points before we begin-

1.My part's in purple, hers is in black. This has nothing to do with the fact that she's black, nor does it insinuate that I'm purple.

2. I sincerely hope that Hot Photographer never reads my blog.

So I heard Hot Photographer got a new job.

Yup. He's moving too.

That's too bad. He's not married yet is he?

Nope.

Good. Because he's hot.

Yeah well you don't want him anyways. His job's too crazy. Not a good lifestyle for a relationship.

Who the hell said anything about a relationship? I just want to run my fingers through those sexy curls of his.

You should totally pursue him.

No!

Why not?

Well for one, I'm in a very committed relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

Life is stupid.

In My Opinion

It should be illegal, IMPOSSIBLE even, for the horrible smells that kept wafting across my bed last night to be produced by a human butt.

They were so bad in fact, that if I had a couch, I would have gone and slept on it and I seriously considered going to sleep with the kid, who, though stinky in his own right, has a much smaller rear.

And I couldn't help but wonder how it is that women actually live with men (or how men live with themselves for that matter). Because I feel the need to wash everything after they leave and I really don't think I could do that daily. However, it does start to explain the high divorce rate because after the third time of being woken up by that TERRIBLE SMELL, WOULD YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND POINT THAT THING SOMEWHERE ELSE BITCH?!, I was starting to have very unloving thoughts towards that ass.

Flu-Like Symptoms

I think I may have died last night.