The Post In Which I Link To Many Other Things

My pity party's not quite over yet but it's at the point where we've been drinking all night and I can't decide between the last potato chip or trying to get some sympathy from the cute guy across the room. If I eat the chip, I may blow up and then the cute guy will never want to take me home. But that chip is just so tempting with all its salty goodness.

I'm at the point in my party where things start to get deep, where the alcohol starts to make my vision hazy and since I can't stand up, I sit and think instead.

I've been living with my parents for, well, forever, except for the time when I was sixteen and I moved in with some friends for a couple of months because I was super cool and sticking it to the man (the man being my father) and then there was that time when I got pregnant and my mother kicked me out. But since I've had my son, we've been living peacefully in a small apartment in my parent's basement.

Yes, I live in my mother's basement. Just put a greasy beard, 10 years, and a beer belly on me and I'm the classic 35 year old man living at home.

However, here's the thing. It sucks to be living with your parents for many reasons, yes, but on the other hand, I have a free babysitter, a huge yard for the kid to play in, a great school, and one of the best rent rates possible. I have my own space with a separate entrance, I was able to go to college and start a business, things that I probably never could have done on my own. But now that I'm making money, now that I'm old enough to get wrinkles, I really should be supporting myself.

So I started looking at apartments. Mostly I looked at pictures of apartments on the internet and in the newspaper. But yesterday I went and visited one that's in a little town about 15 minutes away from where we are now and it was great. It was everything I ever wanted in an apartment- it has 4 walls, a bathtub, a place for a dining room table and most importantly, a dishwasher.

Heaven.

The only problem was that there's no mailbox. This was of great concern to me because if I had no mailbox where would all my junk mail go? And what would I do 5 times each morning if I couldn't walk outside, open the door and check to see if anyone felt the need to send me money?

The landlord said they could have one installed before we moved in. She's just been so busy, she hasn't had the time to put one up. Being the helpful soul I am I told her I'd do some research and help find a suitable box if she'd knock $100.00 off the 1st month's rent.

But let me tell you, with all the quality choices on this website, I'm having a hard time picking the best one.

First, I was drawn to this one because it could double as a birdhouse. And since I'm super cheap, I love things that can double as other things.

But then I saw this one and figured it would allow me to use that German accent I've been working tirelessly on. I'd stand by the mailbox everyday, holding a giant sausage link and a potato pancake and every time the mailman came I'd say to him "Guzenhowsen, Mickzenhome".

He'd think I was brilliant.

Of course, this copper one would offer the ultimate in class while still being sturdy enough to keep any prisoners from escaping.

This one though, well, this one might be the winner because it would look so lovely both standing straight up and lying flat on the ground after a drunk teenager mistakes it for a parking space and runs into it. I don't know, call me a thoughtful neighbor.

I'm going to print these out and bring them to the landlord and see what she says.

I imagine she'll be so thrilled with my choices, she'll take $100 off every month's rent.