So Sue Me, I Admire People With Rhythm

I don't know this kid and I don't know much about drums. But he seems pretty damn good if you ask me. So, I'm not saying you have to go to youtube and rate the video at 5 stars. I'm only recommending it because if you do, and he wins this contest they're having, he gets a free drum set and a trip to Hollywood. And which one of you out there doesn't want to help make a poor little boy's dream's come true? Don't be a cold heartless bastard***.

Go ahead, vote here.

***If it helps your cold, cold heart, pretend he's dying of cancer. And can't walk. And is an orphan. Bet you want him to win now, don't you?


1st Day of School

Dear Monkey-Butt,

Lately I've been trying to figure out how the world managed before you came along. Not just me, but the whole world. Not just the people who know and love you, but all people, everywhere. How did we all survive before you got here?


I know the world did spin before you, but I just can't figure out how. Or why it would even bother.


I know people laughed and loved before you but I just can't imagine it was as sincere.


I think maybe we were all just living in a different world, a parallel universe, a world that just couldn't be this nice, no matter how hard it tried. Because now that you're here, the flowers seem to bloom a little brighter and the breeze blows a little sweeter and the pains are not so deep as they used to be and I truly think that the whole world has been touched by your very being.


And when your time here is over, I can only imagine that the world will lay herself down in sorrow and end right then and there with you.


And so, on behalf of the entire human race, all who came before and all who will come after, I'd like to say, "Thank you for blessing us with your presence."


Your Mom