Victoria's Chubby Cousin's Secret

Status update:
MISS AWESOME has decided that this summer she will look like this-------->

<----------- This could prove to be tough because currently she looks more like this,

and has estimated she needs to lose 1,809,346 lbs before she will walk out of the house in a bathing suit that doesn't look like this---------->

So, Miss Awesome has been working out. Every night, before bed she exercises with her son's WII. For three weeks she has listened to WII Fit tell her she is overweight (until finally she added four inches to her height and by default brought her BMI back to the normal bracket), has stood there while it gasps in shock every time she steps on the balance board, has allowed it to tell her that her WII Fit age is 79 going on DEAD, has nodded and hung her head down as WII Fit berated her for not exercising seven days a week. She has stepped her heart out, run in place for miles, and shadow boxed with very grumpy punching bags.

To boot, Miss Awesome has cut down on her bad eating habits. She's given up gummy bears for salads, replaced cookies and chips with grapefruits and water, and has vowed twenty-three times that today is the day she would give up diet Coke.

All of this work and she should have something to show, should she not?

So far, Miss Awesome has lost a grand total of 1 pound.

She estimates this rounds out to a weight loss of about .00000179564 e-02 lbs per day.

Exercise has also not managed to make her any tanner.

And so, though she has not given up on The Dream, Miss Awesome has decided to change her status update to say something much more appropriate and believable:

MISS AWESOME is eating a Big Mac. She is eating every last sesame seed and drop of secret sauce. She is now eating the carton. She is washing it down with a large chocolate shake and then plans on sitting as still as possible for the next ten hours so that the calories have the chance to truly absorb into her body. She has picked out a very nice sweat suit to wear to the pool this summer.