Breaking Young Computers' Hearts Since 1983.

This weekend has been kind of tough. I've been going through a breakup of sorts. It's been 3 long days filled with arguments, pleading, begging, yelling, crying, late night conversations, hugging, cussing, gift giving, more fighting, and finally acceptance that Friday may have been the beginning of the end of one of my longest and most satisfying relationships.

Now I know I'm not always the best girlfriend- I know I don't always take the best care of eMac. Sometimes I forget to thank her for a job well done. I leave her running for weeks at a time. I fill her up with useless crap that just slows her down and could potentially make her sick. I don't wash the smudges off her screen. Yeah I know I shouldn't eat so close to her or get chocolate all over her keyboard. Maybe I've asked her to do something illegal a time or two or ten (I'm sorry! If you didn't want to do it, you shouldn't have!). And no, I've never run a virus software program in the entire 2 & 1/2 years we've been together. But I thought we were happy. We've never had a problem- not like those PCs that are crashing all the time. I could depend on eMac. I loved eMac. I bragged about eMac to anyone who would listen. I've even been known to carry around photos of eMac in my wallet.

You should have told me you weren't happy anymore. You should have told me you needed a break. I would have given you one...next week, after all my work is done.

Okay, maybe I have noticed that things haven't been as good lately as they were in the beginning. Maybe I've ignored the fact that things have been a little slower to load, programs don't always work as efficiently as they should-

We got you an extra hard drive for Christmas to store all those pictures that I was putting on you. I thought that would help. Doesn't that show how much I car

Nothing shows love like freeing up 140 gigabytes of hard drive.

I think the final straw was when I started looking at laptops on ebay on Friday.

I was just looking! Damn, that doesn't mean I was going to do anything with her! You know you're the only one for me baby.

Okay. Perhaps it was when I bid on a laptop on ebay. I understand eMac's concern with this. I can see how this might be construed as cheating.

But baby, I wasn't trying to replace you. I just wanted a computer I could bring out in public. You know you'll always be my main bitch.

No those excuses don't usually work with me either so I couldn't really be surprised when she promptly crashed right after that. I hadn't saved any of my work from the past month.

I spent the next 12 hours running up and down the stairs from computer to computer trying to find instructions to fix my baby. I held her hand through surgery. I waited at her bedside until she woke up. I accepted the abusive words she flung my way when she came to. I gave her a chocolate rose.

Get well soon honey.

Since that didn't seem to help, I ate it.

eMac wasn't impressed.

Fine. Be like that. I don't need you anyways. Soon I'll have a nice little Powerbook to share my bed with. Yeah that's right- she's PORTABLE!

Luckily I've picked up some very effective bullshitting techniques over the years from baby's daddy and was eventually able to convince eMac to give me another chance.

That stuff I said before- it was all lies. You know I don't want no little Powerbook. Shit, she don't got those curves like you. You know you got that fine intel processor that I love.

Ummm...ahem... I mean... well finally eMac and I decided to stay together... for now at least. The compromise was that I lost all of my itunes songs (about 3000) and my emails from the last year.

I'm really not sure what she'll do when Powerbook gets here.

What's that? No that's not another computer. Oh man, where'd that come from? I swear I didn't bring her here. But baby, since she's here now, maybe it's a good thing. We can let her do some of the work and you can rest a little.

I've already backed up all my files just in case she doesn't go for it and leaves me again.

I'm a playa baby, can't no computer hold me down.