He Sweats Awesome

(Click on picture to enlarge)

And every morning for breakfast, he eats a hearty bowl of "super-cool".

The Truth Is

The truth is, I just really don't like the bitch.

I've tried, I really have. I've tried being nice to her, even defended her in public situations when her name got brought up and other people sucked their teeth and rolled their eyes. And maybe I shouldn't say this in my blog since it's a very public place and people from my real life read it and many are sure to know exactly who I'm talking about and maybe she, herself will read this and it will really hurt her feelings.

But the truth is, I don't really care.

Neither I, nor my son ever asked to have her as part of our lives. And yet, here she is, standing there with a permanent scowl on her face, looking like she just got dipped in a hot vat of herpes. And quite honestly, I don't think it's my job to be nice to her, she who dares to stand where I stood, she who has taken my place and my children and my life. She who can have it all (except the children, I'll fight tooth and nail for the right to love them), but who should not be such a bitch to me because the truth is, I was not the one who cheated her, I was not the one who lied to her, I was not the one who made her trade in her old life for this one.

The truth is, she chose us.

She had opportunities to leave and didn't so now she's as stuck here as I am. And I know that we both hate it. This constant face off, the competition over a man who I stopped caring about three and a half years ago, a man who broke us both and somehow convinced us both that we were the ones to blame. A man who would still keep us both if he could have his way.

But the truth is, I just wish she would go away.

Because it would be easier if she did. Even though I know she's not going anywhere. Even though I know she'll still be standing here long after I'm free to up and leave. Even though I know she's a part of my life from now until we're dead and gone.

But the truth is, I really don't like the bitch and I doubt I ever will.

I Have No Title, How About That For A Title?

Shayne, I loved you from the moment I met you. I'll always remember the times we cuddled up on grandma's couch and read books or watched cartoons; the times we'd go to the park with Shafai and swing on the swings or play basketball; the times when I held you just because...

I'll always miss your smile, your hair, your skin, your voice, your hugs, your kisses, your kindest-always-holding-a-baby-sweetness. So honey, even through all these tears, know that wherever you may be tonight, you are always in our hearts.

Stop This World From Spinning

I don't believe in God. Let's get that out of the way straight off the bat. I used to believe in God and now I don't. I went to Catholic school for 11 years and was taught to believe and I did, but I don't anymore. I tried different forms of Christianity and different religions in general but none of them did it for me either. I thought about it, and thought about it some more. And the end result is that I believe in nature. I believe we live, we die, and the world goes on, end of story. I don't think we humans are anything particularly special, just a bunch of animals that had the fortune, or misfortune depending on how you look at it, of developing brains advanced enough to allow us to speak, to write, to feel, and to be major league idiots. I'm not Agnostic- I don't believe in a higher power but not organized religion. I just do not believe in God. I understand this might change the way you feel about me but I don't care. I don't want to believe in God, and I don't need you to change my mind about it.

A girl died yesterday. My son's cousin. A 15 year old girl. And I don't want to hear about how God must have a reason and that it's meant to be and that if we just trust in him everything will work out in the end. A wonderful, kind, beautiful girl, a girl who had a whole life in front of her, a girl who I've loved for the past nine years, who I held and who held my son, who I watched grow from a little girl and who I looked forward to seeing grow into a woman went swimming, got pulled under by a rip-tide, and is now dead. And there's no fucking reason for it. There's nothing that will make it better. I don't care if her mother goes out and adopts three hundred orphans in her honor or if one of her friends grows up and makes it her mission to rid the world of rip-tides, NOTHING will make her passing worth it. NOTHING will make the loss of such potential acceptable.

I don't believe in God. I don't believe there's a god out there that would allow this to happen, and if he did I would think he'd at least have the decency to stop this world from spinning afterward, even if only for a day or two...so that the ones who love her could have time to cry for what he gave us and then took away.