Suicide Season

Normally around November 15th, I start to notice an abundance of dead squirrels in the middle of the road. I've always chocked it up to the start of winter. I figure the squirrels are probably so depressed by the coming frost, that they can't help but to end their lives prematurely, lest they face a freezing, nutless winter- the squirrel equivalent to hell on earth. Instead they go crazy and convince themselves that waiting patiently for oncoming cars they can throw themselves in front of is a better option than searching for hidden acorns in sub-arctic temperatures.

Sometimes, one squirrel can't find the courage to end his life alone so two or more make their Romeo-and-Juliet-like pacts and dash out together, often from different directions, as to make sure at least one of their miserable existences come to an end. I've always felt this practice was a little irresponsible on the part of the squirrels. Sure they may want to die but what about the innocent drivers like myself who become overwhelmed with guilt at being responsible for the demise of one of these cute furry creatures? What about the poor city worker who has to come scrape their bloody corpse off the pavement? Irresponsible.

This year was different though, probably due to the lengthened fall season that global warming brought, none of the squirrels were trying to kill themselves. I didn't really notice the lack of dead rodents until last week when they started appearing again. Now that global warming has once again failed us and winter's come, it seems that squirrel suicide season has started again. Late, but never one to disappoint, it's here. I will once again have to heighten my squirrel radar so I can be sure to swerve quickly if need be. I don't really care what they say, the sound of a squirrel rolling under your tire is something I'd avoid at all costs.

There's really nothing more to say about it. Winter's here. Squirrels are killing themselves. I have to become a more careful and responsible driver because of it. I'm so cold, I think the tip of my nose is about to fall off (frostbite). Spring should really consider coming early this year.