Responsibility Is...

...not stopping to buy sour gummy worms and diet coke at 8:20 a.m. on the way to work this morning.

Someone should probably give me an award or something for my maturity.

3/52--Troll Fingers

I had a really cool self portrait this week but then my (imaginary) dog ate it. I'm not a quitter though so I'm leaving you instead with this "portrait", fondly titled Troll's Fingers because my toes are exactly what I would imagine the short, stubby appendages protruding off of a troll's palms would look like.

And posting this shows just how truly secure I am with myself because those feet are U-G-L-Y!

Child Magazine Should Totally Give Me My Own Advice Column

I'm not saying parents should beat their kids.

I'm just saying that if you send your kid around me and they act like rude, bratty little babies who don't respect others or listen to their teachers, I will be tempted to beat them myself.

Baby Toes, A Delicious Treat

Welcome to the world,
Miss Amber Belle.

I'm glad that your mommy's my friend and I get to be part of your life. Pretty soon I'm going to take you dress shopping and paint your little toenails and put bows in your hair and do all the other things that my boy refuses to let me do with him. Pretty soon. Like in a month or so.

If I Never See You Again

Shit.

I don't think even forever would be long enough.

2/52

All I'm going to say to you about this photo is the same thing I said to my dad when he saw me all dressed up and asked what the hell I was doing.

The kid is with his father this weekend and the hours are long.

The Death Of The Love Peppers

When we moved to this house from our old house, the differences were numerous. Instead of convicts running through our backyard (great story- I'll tell it some time, it involved one bad guy, several police officers, an entire neighborhood in my driveway, and my naked, mud covered little sister), we now have a plethora of wildlife including turkeys and bats. Instead of cars backfiring and the sweet opera of spousal abuse filling the silence, come midnight, the only sounds around here are the crickets.

And as much as I sometimes miss the used condoms littering the sides of the road, it's the deer who share our new backyard that have always been my favorite part of living in this house. I might even love them more than the shiny oak floors in the living room.

My parents, of course, hate the deer.

My father has been known to throw rocks at the deer. I've been known to dash through the yard yelling "Run! Run!" before they can get hit by the rocks.

My mother has been known to spray deer deterring concoctions around the edge of the property. I've been known to bring home a salt-licks and place them in the backyard so the deer feel compelled to stop by more frequently.

You might even call me a deer advocate.

Until today.

Because when I went outside to check on our little garden today this is what I found:

Six hot pepper plants is what was there yesterday. Secretly calling them our "love peppers", I've spent months planting, watering, transplanting, and singing to them, not because I love spicy foods and want to make homemade hot sauce but because Jimmy does and I love him. And after the breakup that almost ended the world, I put a lot of hope in these little peppers, hope that they'd grow and flourish and that our relationship would follow suit. Somewhere in all the craziness of my mind, these peppers began to represent our relationship. And now they're dead. Do you have any idea what that means for our relationship?! Do you?!

And even though the sensible part of me knows we're not going to break up again just because the peppers died, if we do, whether it be today or twenty-five years from now, I'm totally going to blame it on those stupid deer.

1/52

I've joined a group on flickr, 52 Self Portraits in a year. I joined this group because between all the graphic design, illustration, photography, teaching art to children, and writing that I do for a living, I've been feeling like I don't have enough creativity in my life.

1/52- In My Mother's Garden...



(Larger)

...for the splendor of which she refuses to take any credit even though she's spent months planning for, planting, watering, and loving each and every one of these beautiful flowers.

For the past 25 years, my mother has been trying to pass down the sacred gift of modesty to me, just like her Irish-Catholic mother passed it down to her, but it's a lost cause because I have a huge problem not acknowledging all my awesome.

If I was to, at this very moment, stand about twenty feet away from you naked, and you were to squint your eyes, this is what you would see:

A star with stumpy pink extremties that all meet at one pasty-white, never touched by the sun middle.

Seriously, badly distributed sunburn is sexy right? Man-friend's totally not going to be able to keep his hands off me tonight.

The Fine Print

"One-on-one time, it's in the agreement. 2 hours of it."

"It doesn't say in the agreement that other people*
can't be there during our one-on-one time."

"What part of one-on-one do you not understand?"

Sigh. I've never met a man who would work so hard to spend less time with his son.

The frustration is real.

*Just to clarify- other people= his girlfriend, her two daughters, his son and his son's sister.

Biology Lesson

"A tadpole is a good pet because you can watch it grow into a frog and it's kind of like watching a human baby growing in its mommy's belly."

"We start out looking like tadpoles?"

"Well part of us does at least."

R.I.P. to "The Tadster"
June 2008-June 2008

You were the best tadpole/tiny frog with a tail ever. I'm so sorry for killing you by pouring fresh water into your tank with the old water instead of properly cleaning the whole thing, purchasing filtered spring water, letting it sit for a few hours before putting you in, and then monitoring the whole situation for a while to make sure you were handling the change well.

You will be missed. Your stinky tank will not.

Big Momma Recommends Part Deux

I've got two videos that may just blow. your. mind.

This first one is an 'Atheist's nightmare'. Depending on what you believe, this video will mean different things to you. I won't say what I believe but I will say that I watched this video eight times in a row in complete and utter amazement.

Oh yeah, I got it from I Want A Pony



Number two, which I really can't embed but if you're at all concerned about the environment or even remotely unhappy with your life or the way this country is going or want to save our planet or care about anything at all, I'd recommend clicking on the link and watching. It's a twenty minute clip with awesome animations and because of it, when I went to Staples today to buy ink for my printer, I did NOT buy a funny little light up pen for 1.99. Because somewhere out there, someone is paying for that little pen with their life.

Click here--->>

A Very Poor Benefits Package

One of the downfalls of being in an authoritative position-

You can't really try to get someone else to fish out the bloody maxi pad floating in one of the toilets in the girls' bathroom and clean up all the blood in the stall. That's YOUR job.