There's Never A Line For The Men's Room

If I was to, at this very moment, stand about twenty feet away from you naked, and you were to squint your eyes, this is what you would see:

A star with stumpy pink extremties that all meet at one pasty-white, never touched by the sun middle.

Seriously, badly distributed sunburn is sexy right? Man-friend's totally not going to be able to keep his hands off me tonight.