Frequently Asked Questions

Last time you were pulled over by a policeman, how fast were you going?
Last time I was pulled over it was because my registration was 2 years overdue. For the record, I was going 60 in a 65.

Kumquat or persnickety... which is the better word and why?
Persnickety. It just makes less sense.

If you were given a million dollars to only eat bananas for the rest of your life (assuming that just bananas would sustain you), would you do it?
Probably not. I find it very hard to believe I could enjoy a million dollars when I have just died of a potassium overdose.

Are you making money on this bloggy thing...and how?
Uh yeah, you could say that. See all those ads all over the place? Some of them pay me when you click on them. Some pay me just to be there. All in all, I’m in line to make about as much this year as this guy:

Of all your true real talents, what one would you give up in exchange for a talent that you don’t have?
I would give up my very real talent of saying completely the wrong thing at the wrong time and trade it for the ability to process simple directions. Seriously, couldn’t even tell you how to get from here to the bathroom.

How do you envision your life will be 5 years from now?
Hmmm… I’ll get back to you in about 4 ½ years.

What inspires your art?
Periods and poop.

How long have you been blogging?
I started blogging in January of 2007. My first blog was called “Oh The Cleverness of Me”. You can still read many of these posts in my archives. Then I went on a hiatus and came back with “There’s Never A Line For The Men’s Room”. Boring but true.

When you order steak, how do you like it cooked (rare, medium, etc.)?
Ground up then stuck back together before being stuffed between two buns and some cheese. Seriously, I hate steak but I love hamburgers. What can I say? I’m a cheap date. As far as cooked, I like my meat to resemble a block of charcoal.

When you take pictures what kind of camera do you use?
I use a Canon EOS 20D. It’s digital and awesome. Like this website and me.

When you make art, what materials do you use?
It depends on the piece. Most of the black and white illustrations on this site are done in pen and ink. Other mediums I use are watercolor, acrylics, oils, and every once in a while, Adobe Illustrator.

Who is your favorite Baldwin brother?
If only you knew how tough that question really is.

Why is it that men think it is ok to say congratulations to you as if you are pregnant while they stare at your "belly" which actually happens to be your car keys and gloves in the pocket of your Columbia coat because it is winter and you are freezing and now not only are you going to freeze to death but you apparently need to diet?
Because. Men. Are. Idiots.

Seriously guys, you should know better than that! Even if you see the head peeking out of her vagina, you should NOT assume a woman is pregnant.

If you were stranded on a tropical island, what kind of tree would you be and why?
Hmm, probably coconut. Not only because that’s a given for being on island but also, I could drop my nuts on people all I want and that's probably about as close to being a man as I'm ever going to get to be.

Will you marry me?
Probably not.

How do you say The Kid’s name?
Well his name is Jacquai. Some people call him Jackie. Some call him Jakwa. Other lively pronunciations I’ve heard are Jacari, Jamiricoy, and Jablahblahblah...ah I'll just call him Jake.

I realize this is my fault for giving him such a ridiculous challenging name and Jacquai honey, when you’re 23, fresh out of college and trying to get a job at a bank and you can’t because the people who are supposed to call for interviews don’t know how to say your name and therefore just don’t pick up the phone, I want you to know that I’m sorry and I love you and that’s what happens when you have a baby when you’re a teenager- you give them crazy names, so please try to remember all the times I fed you and kissed you and let you stay up late to watch movies and eat popcorn. Remember those times because those times are the true testament to how much I really do love you and NOT a silly thing like a name.

That being said, it really is a simple name, only 2 syllables and so now I will attempt to teach you how to pronounce it.
1st part- JU (like uhhhh….)
2nd part- KIY (like sky without the s)

Now let’s all say it together Ju-Kiy. Ju-Kiy. Ju-Kiy.

Just to keep things simple though, he’ll still mostly be referred to as “The Kid”.

and last but not least…

Rules For This Blog:
Thou shall be nice. I do not have to be nice. This is my blog and I am the queen around these parts so I can be as silly, mean, or rude as I want. However, everyone else is required to be kind and respectful in their comments, not only to myself but also to the other commenters. We do not have to agree but we do need to be respectful of one another. Got it? Good. You may go worship me now.

Got a question? Email me!