WANTED: One Wife

I love having a clean house. I swear I do. Unfortunately, it's only clean, on average, about 5 days of the year. The rest of the time it looks like a hurricane blew through- indistinquishable piles of clean and dirty laundry mixed up all over; dishes piled up in the sink 10 minutes after I wash them; small toys waiting to attack me in the middle of the night; dustbunnies planning a mutiny, and a bathroom sink so caked with dental hygiene products that it undoubtedly has fresher breath than I do.

I love being a mother. I swear I do. I'd just love it more if I didn't have to wake up early every morning to make sure he gets to school on time, if I didn't have to feed and bathe him and make sure he always has clean underwear. I love my son but sometimes the monotony of being a mother threatens to drive me crazy.

I love to cook. I swear I do. But it's only about once a month that I have the energy and desire to whip up something fantastic. The rest of the time pasta, take out, or cereal is fine with me. Thank god my parents live upstairs and my father loves to cook so my son has more than 3 dinner options.

Unfortunately I can't afford a housekeeper, nanny, or personal chef to make sure my home functions properly. But I have a solution!

Ready?


I need a wife!

That's right, a wife. I mean really, they're cheap labor and hardworking if you get the right one. Yeah maybe they bitch and nag from time to time but then I could just fire her and get another one. No problem!

I'd probably be better than any husband a woman could get anyways, being that I'm a woman and have a general idea of what women want. Shoot, I might even consider having another kid if I had someone else to do the dirty work of raising him and I could just cuddle and play with the thing.

In order to find my wife, I've placed an ad in my local paper. This is what it looks like:


(**Will also consider applicants from out of state if they're willing to pay for their own plane ticket.)